Today, I finished working on a new song. My 18th.
Once again, 100+ hours, some money, and a lot of emotional investment has come to its logical conclusion. My product will soon be out in the real world and try to find its place in people’s hearts and minds. Will it succeed? Well, the odds are against it. In fact, talking of odds, just about any bet at any table at any casino in the world has a better chance of winning the jackpot, than my song “clicking”. And I know that. The odds are truly against it.
Then why do I even try? I ask myself that a lot.
When we’re kids, we’re extraordinarily ambitious. We dream of getting everything, everywhere, and all at once. For our young and spotless mind, sky is literally the limit. We genuinely believe that building the greatest company, writing an international bestseller, making a blockbuster film, or creating that one song that changes the world isn’t that impossible. In fact, with sheer grit and spirit, we can really do it.
But I’m not a kid anymore. I’m old. Old enough.
With age, I should have sobered down. My dreams should have been compromised by now. My plans simplified. My ambitions more “realistic”. Why am I still at it? It’s not an easy question.
The problem is, life can often be quite simple. And at the same time, very complicated, too. As I’ve been on the journey of finding fame and fortune, I’ve never got a straight answer. Life has been a series of regrets, missed opportunities, and a lot of “almost made it” moments. Yes, I’ve failed, of course. But I’ve also seen success. Not enough to make me look at life from the other side, sure. But enough to get a glimpse of what is possible.
It’s these “almost made it” moments that make it very hard to just quit. After all, why would you change life’s primary complain to “Man, I’m really close! Why am I not catching a break!”, to “Man, I was really close. I wish I didn’t quit”? One is present continuous, while the other is just past tense. It doesn’t even compare.
The difference between "perseverance" and "sunk cost fallacy" is often just the outcome of the pursuit viewed in hindsight. An outcome which is mostly beyond your control. Since no one knows what's going to happen, the only way to see what happens is to just keep at it, and see what happens. No matter how hard it feels at that moment.
Some people say it’s the “joy of doing what you love” that keeps people going. That’s a myth. Whatever joy people get from being on a very hard journey with daunting odds, is far superseded by the lack of usual pleasures of a good, normal life. Especially when that good, normal life is very much within reach, but you still don't go for it. Also, the "joy of doing what you love" often doesn't pay for gas. A regular, boring job does. And that changes the equation, quite a bit.
Then there's another set of people who believe that “regret minimization framework” theorised by Mr. Bezos is a good explanation. But that also doesn’t cut it. Contrary to the romantic belief, regret is often not a function of what path you take, but what you get at the end of it. You can take the riskiest, most honorable path at the critical juncture of your life, which makes you feel like a true hero. And rightfully so. But if by the end of that journey, if you find yourself old, broke, and out of luck, you’ll surely have a lot of regret for not taking the easy way when it was available. Talk to a smart, ambitious guy who spent his golden years on a heroic pursuit which didn't go anywhere. He'll tell you a lot about regret.
So "minimising regret" doesn't cut it, and neither does the "joy of doing what you love". And while the "almost made it" moments certainly offer an explanation, how do they really help? As I said, this isn't an easy question.
Like most hard questions, it seems like there’s no right answer for this one. Or maybe there’s no “one” right answer. Maybe like most things, this battle is also a bit ambiguous. Maybe like in most tricky things, you can’t choose between “a lot” or “little” here. The answer actually lies “somewhere in the middle”. Whatever it is, what ultimately helps is to just not think about it.
What?
Yes, I know that's pretty anticlimactic considering what I've already written above. But "don't think about it" makes sense. Why think about what you can't control? What would you possibly get out of it? After all, what can you do except giving your best? Isn't this the gist of the entire western stoic philosophy, and even our own Bhagwad Gita? Yes, it is.
So while the odds may be stacked against my 18th song. After ruminating in my complex feelings, I ultimately tell my mind to just “not think about it”. Whatever happens, happens.
As I learnt in Vipassana: न राग, न द्वेष। अनित्य है।
P.S. You just read an honest (and hopefully valuable) article for free. If you like reading my writing, please consider making donations. Amounts don't matter, gestures do. Here's a big cheers to all my Patrons!
Read more articles here.
Comments